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The Cavalier in Exile
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my Brothers were sequestered from their Estates, and plundered of all their Goods, yet she maintained me so, that I was in a condition rather to lend then to borrow, which Courtiers usually are not, being always necessitated by reason of great expenses Courts put them to. But my Mother said, it would be a disgrace for me to return out of the Court so soon after I was placed; so I continued almost two years, until such time as I was married from thence; for my Lord the Marquis of Newcastle did approve of those bashful fears which many condemn’d, and would choose such a Wife as he might bring to his own humours, and not such an one as was wedded to self-conceit, or one that had been temper’d to the humours of another; for which he wooed me for his Wife; and though I did dread Marriage, and shunn’d mens companies as much as I could, yet I could not, nor had not the power to refuse him, by reason my Affections were fix’d on him, and he was the onely Person I ever was in love with: Neither was I ashamed to own it, but gloried therein, for it was not Amorous Love, I never was infected therewith, it is a Disease, or a Passion, or both, I only know by relation, not by experience ; neither could Title, Wealth, Power, or Person entice me to love; but my Love was honest and honourable, being placed upon Merit, which Affection joy’d at the fame of his Worth, pleas’d with delight in his Wit, proud of the respects he used to me, and triumphing in the affections he profest for me, which affections he hath confirmed to me by a deed of time, seal’d by constancy, and assigned by an unalterable decree of his promise; which makes me happy in despight of Fortune’s frowns; for though Misfortunes may and do oft dissolve base, wilde, loose, and ungrounded affections, yet she hath no power of those that are united either by Merit, Justice, Gratitude, Duty, Fidelity, or the like; and though my Lord hath lost his Estate, and banish’d out of his Country for his Loyalty to his King and Country, yet neither despised Poverty, nor pinching Necessity could make him break the Bonds of Friendship, or weaken his Loyal Duty to his King or Country.

But not onely the family I am linkt to is ruin’d, but the Family from which I sprung, by these unhappy Wars; which ruine my Mother lived to see, and then died, having lived a Widow many years, for she never forgot my Father so as to marry again; indeed, he remain’d so lively in her memory, and her grief was so lasting, as she never mention’d his name, though she spoke often of him, but love and grief caused tears to flow, and tender sighs to rise, mourning in sad complaints; she made her house her Cloyster, inclosing herself, as it were therein, for she seldom went abroad, unless to Church; but these unhappy Wars forc’d her out, by reason she and her children were loyall to the King; for which they plundered her and my Brothers of all their Goods, Plate, Jewels, Money, Corn, Cattle, and the like, cut down their Woods, pull’d down their Houses, and sequestered them from

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their Lands and Livings; but in such misfortunes my Mother was of an heroick spirit, in suffering patiently where there is no remedy, or to be industrious where she thought she could help: She was of a grave Behaviour, and had such a Majestic Grandeur, as it were continually hung about her, that it would strike a kind of an awe to the beholders, and command respect from the rudest ; I mean the rudest of civiliz’d people, I mean not such Barbarous people as plundered her, and used her cruelly, for they would have pulled God out of Heaven, had they had power, as they did Royaltie out of his Throne: also her beauty was beyond the ruin of time, for she had a well favoured loveliness in her face, a pleasing sweetness in her countenance, and a well-temper’d complexion, as neither too red nor too pale, even to her dying hour, although in years, and by her dying, one might think death was enamoured with her, for he imbraced her in a sleep, and so gently, as if he were afraid to hurt her: also she was an affectionate Mother, breeding her children with a most industrious care, and tender love, and having eight children, three Sons and five daughters, there was not any one crooked, or any ways deformed, neither were they dwarfish, or of a Giant-like stature, but every ways propor tionable; likewise well featured, deer complexions, brown haires, but some lighter than others, sound teeth, sweet breaths, plain speeches, tunable voices, I mean not so much to sing as in speaking, as not stuttering, nor wharling in the throat, or speaking through

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the nose, or hoarsly, unless they had a cold, or squeakingly, which impediments many have: neither were their voices of too low a strain, or too high, but their notes and words were tuneable and timely: I hope this Truth will not offend my Readers, and lest they should think I am a partial Register, I dare not commend my Sisters, as to say they were handsome; although many would say they were very handsome: but this I dare say, their Beautie, if any they had, was not so lasting as my Mothers, Time making suddener ruin in their faces than in hers ; likewise my Mother was a good Mistriss to her servants, taking care of her servants in their sickness, not sparing any cost she was able to bestow for their recovery: neither did she exact more from them in their health then what they with ease or rather like pastime could do: she would freely pardon a fault, and forget an injury, yet sometimes she would be angry; but never with her children, the sight of them would pacify her, neither would she be angry with others, but when she had cause, as with negligent or knavish servants, that would lavishly or unnecessarily waste, or subtily, and thievishly steal, and though she would often complain that her family was too great for her weak Management, and often prest my Brother to take it upon him, yet I observe she took a pleasure, and some little pride, in the governing thereof: she was very skilful in Leases, and setting of lands, and Court-keeping, ordering of Stewards, and the like affairs:

also I observed, that my mother, nor Brothers, before these wars, had ever any Law-suites,

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but what an Attorney dispatched in a Term with small cost, but if they had, it was more than I knew of, but, as I said, my Mother lived to see the ruin of her children, in which was her ruin, and then dyed: my brother Sir Thomas Lucas soon after, my brother Sir Charles Lucas after him, being shot to death for his loyall Service, for he was most constantly Loyal and Courageously active, indeed he had a superfluity of courage; My eldest sister died sometime before my Mother, her death being, as I believe, hastned through grief of her onely daughter, on which she doted, being very pretty, sweet natured, and had an extraordinary wit for her age, she dying of a Consumption, my sister, her Mother, died some half a year after of the same disease, and though time is apt to waste remembrance as a consumptive body, or to wear it out like a garment into raggs, or to moulder it into dust; yet I find the naturall affections I have for my friends, are beyond the length, strength, and power of time; for I shall lament the loss so long as I live, also the loss of my Lords noble Brother, which died not long after I returned from England, he being then sick of an Ague, whose favours and my thankfulness, ingratitude shall never disjoyne; for I will build his Monument of truth, though I cannot of Marble, and hang my tears and Scutchions on his Tombe. He was nobly generous, wisely valliant, naturally civil honestly kind, truly loving, Virtuously temperate; his promise was like a fixt decree, his words were destiny, his life was holy, his disposition milde, his behaviour

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courteous, his discourse pleasing, he had a ready wit and a spacious knowledge, a settled judgment, a deer understanding, a rationall insight; he was learned in all Arts and Sciences, but especially in the Mathematicks, in which study he spent most part of his time; and though his tongue preacht not Moral Philosophy, yet his life taught it, indeed he was such a person, that he might have been a pattern for all Mankind to take: he loved my Lord his brother with a doting affection, as my Lord did him, for whose sake I suppose he was so nobly generous, carefully kind, and respectfull to me; for I dare not challenge his favours as to my self, having not merits to deserve them, he was for a time the preserver of my life, for after I was married some two or three years, my Lord travell’d out of France, from the City of Paris, in which City he resided the time he was there, so went into Holland, to a Town called Rotterdam, in which place he stayed some six months; from thence he returned to Brabant, unto the City of Antwerp, which city we past through, when we went into Holland, and in that City my Lord settled himself and Family, choosing it for the most pleasantest, and quietest place to retire himself and ruined fortunes in: but after we had remain’d some time therein, we grew extremely necessitated, Tradesmen being there not so rich as to trust my Lord for so much, or so long, as those of France; yet they were so civil, kind and charitable, as to trust him, for as much as they were able; but at last necessity inforced me to return

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into England to seek for reliefe ; for I hearing my Lord’s Estate amongst the rest of many more estates, was to be sold, and that the wives of the owners should have an allowance there from, it gave me hopes I should receive a benefit thereby; so being accompanied with my Lords only brother Sir Charles Cavendish, who was commanded to return, to live therein, or to lose his Estate, which Estate he was forced to buy with a great Composition before he could enjoy any part thereof; so over I went, but when I came there I found their hearts as hard as my fortunes, and their Natures as cruel as my miseries, for they sold all my Lords Estate, which was a very great one, and gave me not any part thereof, or any allowance thereout, which few or no other was so hardly dealt withall; indeed, I did not stand as a beggar at the Parliament doore, for I never was at the Parliamente House, nor stood I ever at the doore, as I do know, or can remember, I am sure, not as a Petitioner, neither did I haunt the Committees, for I never was at any, as a Petitioner, but one in my life, which was called Gold-smith’s-Hall, but I received neither gold nor silver from them, only an absolute refusall, I should have no share of my Lords Estate; for my brother, the Lord Lucas, did claim in my behalf such a part of my Lords Estate as wives had allowed them, but they told him, that by reason I was married since my Lord was made a Delinquent, I could have nothing, nor should have any thing, he being the greatest Traitor to the State, which was to

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be the most loyall Subject to his King and Country: but I whisperingly spoke to my brother to conduct me out of that ungentle manly place, so without speaking to them one word good or bad, I returned to my Lodgings, & as that Committee was the first, so was it the last, I ever was at as a Petitioner; ‘fis true I went sometimes to Drury House to inquire how the land was sold, but no other ways, although some re ported I was at the Parliament House, and at this Committee and at that Committee, and what I should say, and how I was answered; but the Custoines of England being changed as well as the Laws, where Women become Pleaders, Attornies, Petitioners and the like, running about with their several Causes, com plaining of their severaU grievances, exclaiming against their severall enemies, bragging of their several! favours they receive from the powerful!; thus Trafficing with idle words bring in false reports and vain discourse; for the truth is, our Sex doth nothing but justle for the Preheminence of words, I mean not for speaking well, but speaking much, as they do I or the preheminence of place, words rushing against words, thwarting and crossing each other, and pulling with reproches, striving to throw each other down with disgrace, thinking to advance themselves thereby; but if our Sex would but well consider, and rationally ponder, they will perceive and finde, that it is neither words nor place that can advance them, but worth and merit: nor can words or place disgrace them, but inconstancy and boldness: for an honest

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Heart, a noble Soul, a chaste Life, and a true speaking Tongue, is the Throne, Sceptre, Crown, and Footstoole, that advances them to an honourable renown, I mean not Noble, Virtuous, Discreet, and worthy Persons, whom necessity did enforce to submit, comply, and follow their own suites, but such as had nothing to lose, but made it their trade to solicite; but I dispairing being positively denied at Goldsmiths Hall,—besides I had a firm faith, or strong opinion, that the pains was more than the gains, and being un practised in publick employments, unlearned in their uncouth Ways, ignorant of the Humours and Dispositions of those persons to whom I was to address my suit, and not knowing where the Power lay, and being not a good flatterer, I did not trouble myself or petition my enemies; besides I am naturally Bashful, not that I am ashamed of my minde or body, my Birth or Breeding, my Actions or Fortunes, for my Bashfulness is in my Nature, not for any crime, and though I have strived and reasoned with myself, yet that which is inbred, I find is difficult to root out, but I do not find that my Bashfulness is concerned with the Qualities of the Persons, but the number, for were I enter amongst a company of Lazarouses, I should be as much out of countenance, as if they were all Caesars or Alexanders, Cleopatras or Queen Didoes; neither do I find my Bashfulness riseth so often in Blushes, as contracts my Spirits to a chill paleness, but the best of it is, most commonly it soon vanisheth away, and many times before it can be perceived, and the more foolish, or unworthy, I conceive the company to be, the worse I am, and the best remedy I ever found was, is to persuade my self that all those Persons I meet are wise and vertuous ; the reason I take to be is, that the wise and vertuous censure less, excuse most, praise best, esteem rightly, judge justly, behave themselves civilly, demeane themselves respectfully, and speake modestly, when fools or unworthy persons are apt to commit absurdities, as to be bold, rude, uncivill both in words and actions, forgetting or not well understanding themselves, or the company they are with; and though I never met such sorts of ill bred creatures, yet Naturally I have such an Aversion to such kinde of people, as I am afraid to meet them, as children are afraid of spirits, or those that are afraid to see or meet Devills; which makes me think this Naturall defect in me, if it be a defect, is rather a fear than a bashfulness, but whatsoever it is, I find it troublesome, for it hath many times obstructed the passage of my speech, and perturbed my Naturall actions, forcing a constrainedness or unusual motions, but, however, since it is rather a fear of others than a bashfull distrust of my self, I despaire of a perfect cure, unless Nature as well as Human governments could be civilized and brought into a Methodicall order, ruling the words and actions with a supreme power of reason, and the authority of discretion: but a rude nature is worse than a brute nature, by so much more as man is better than beast, but those that are of

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civil natures and gentle dispositions, are as much nearer to celestial! creatures, as those that are of rude or cruell are to Devils : but in fine, after I had been in England, a year and a half, in which time I gave some half a score visits, and went with my Lords brother to hear Music in one Mr. Lawes his house, three or four times, as also some three or four times to Hide Park with my sisters, to take the aire, else I never stirr’d out of my lodgings, unless to see my Brothers and Sisters, nor seldom did I dress my self, as taking no delight to adorn my self, since he I onely desired to please was absent, although report did dress me in a hundred several! fashions: ‘tis true when I did dress myself, I did endeavour to dolt to my best becoming, both in respect to my self and those I went to visit, or chanc’t to meet, but after I had been in England a year and a half, part of which time I writ a Book of Poems, and a little Book called my Philosophical Fancies, to which I have writ a large addition, since I returned out of England, besides this book and one other: as for my book intitled The Worlds Ollio I writ most part of it before I went into England, but being not of a merry, although not of a froward or peevish disposition, became very Melancholy, by reason I was from my Lord, which made my mind so restless, as it did break my sleeps, and distemper my health, with which growing impatient of a longer delay, I resolved to return, although I was grieved to leave Sir Charles, my Lord’s Brother, he being sick of an ague, of which sickness he died: for

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though his ague was cur’d, his life was decayed, he being not of a strong constitution could not, as it did prove, recover his health, for the dreggs of his Ague did put out the Lamp of his life, yet Heaven knows I did not think his life was so near to an end, for his Doctor had great hopes of his perfect recovery, and by reason he was to go into the Country for change of aire, where I should have been a trouble, rather than any ways serviceable, besides, more charge the longer I stayd, for which I made the more hast to return to my Lord, with whom I had rather be as a poor begger, than to be Mistress of the world absented from him; yet, Heaven hitherto hath kept us, and though Fortune hath been cross, yet we do submit, and are both content with what is, and cannot be mended, and are so prepared that the worst of fortunes shall not afflict our minds, so as to make us unhappy, howsoever it doth pinch our lives with poverty; for, if Tranquillity lives in an honest mind, the mind lives in Peace, although the body suffer: but Patience hath armed us, and Misery hath tried us, and finds us Fortune-proof, for the truth is, my Lord is a person whose Humour is neither extravagantly merry, nor unnecessarily sad, his Mind is above his Fortune, as his Generosity is above his purse, his Courage above danger, his Justice above bribes, his Friendship above self-interest, his Truth too firm for falsehood, his Temperance beyond temptation, his Conversation is pleasing and affable, his Wit is quick, and his Judgment is strong, distinguishing

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cleerly without clouds of mistakes, dissecting truth, so as it justly admits not of disputes: his discourse is always new upon the occasion, without troubling the hearers with old Historicall relations, nor stuft with useless sentences, his behaviour is manly without formallity, and free without constraint, and his minde hath the same freedom: his Nature is noble, and his Disposition sweet, his Loyaltie is proved by his publick service for his King and Countrey, by his often hazarding of his life by the losse of his Estate, and the banishment of his Person, by his necessitated Condition, and his constant and patient suffering; but, howsoever our fortunes are, we are both content, spending our time harmlessly, for my Lord pleaseth himself with the Management of some few Horses, and exercises himself with the use of the Sword; which two Arts he hath brought by his studious thoughts, rationall experience, and industrious practice, to an absolute perfection: and though he hath taken as much pains in those arts, both by study and practice, as Chimists for the Phylosopher’s Stone, yet he hath this advantage of them, that he hath found the right and the truth thereof and therein, which Chimists never found in their Art, and I believe never will: also he recreates himself with his pen, writing what his Wit dictates to him, but I pass my time rather with scribling than writing, with words than wit, not that I speak much, because I am addicted to contemplation, unless I am with my Lord, yet then I rather attentively

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listen to what he sayes, than impertinently speak, yet when I am writing, and sad faind Stories, or serious humours, or melancholy passions, I am forc’d many times to express them with the tongue before I can write them with the pen, by reason those thoughts that are sad, serious, and melancholy, are apt to contract and to draw too much back, which oppression doth as it were overpower or smother the conception in the brain, but when some of those thoughts are sent out in words, they give the rest more liberty to place themselves in a more methodicall order, marching more regularly with my pen, on the ground of white paper, but my letters seem rather as a ragged rout, than a well armed body, for the brain being quicker in creating than the hand in writing, or the memory in retaining, many fancies are lost, by reason they ofttimes outrun the pen ; where I, to keep speed in the Race, write so fast as I stay not so long as to write my letters plain, insomuch as some have taken my hand-writing for some strange character, & being accustomed so to do, I cannot now write very plain, when I strive to write my best; indeed, my ordinary hand-writing is so bad as few can read it, so as to write it fair for the Press, but however, that little wit I have, it delights me to scribble it out, and disperse it about, for I being addicted from my childhood to contemplation rather than conversation, to solitariness rather than society, to melancholy rather than mirth, to write with the pen than to work with a

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